Shawshank Redemption Quotes

Man enough to cry

A good cry relieves stress and emotional build-ups, and its therapeutic value is slowly changing public perception of men who let their guards down.

DAVID Beckham did it. Roger Federer did it. Bill Clinton did it more than once. John Wayne did it at the Academy Awards. Alexander the Great apparently did it at the peak of his conquests. And Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad did it in front of the entire Umno General Assembly.

What these famous men did was so ordinary, so commonplace, so utterly unremarkable, that every person on Earth could potentially claim to have done it too: they blubbed, they bawled, they wept, they shed tears. Simply put, they cried, and in public, too.

Yet, the fact that these strong, renowned and quite powerful men actually shed tears, makes these instances of a wholly ordinary act extraordinary. Because, as the maxim goes, real men don’t cry.

For all our progress in gender equality, some areas remain strongly associated with the feminine, including the salty spectre of tear-filled eyes. Many psychologists believe that crying elicits sympathy and empathy because it reminds us of babies. The same vulnerability, however, can also be perceived as weakness or helplessness. Research in the 1980s by the University of Minnesota, for example, found that men only cry about once a month, whereas women cry five times as much. A 2001 study by the University of California discovered that 65% of men said they almost never cried, and even those who did admitted only to squeezing out a few tears or feeling choked up but not showing any visible sign of crying. The same study, however, had 63% of women admitting to crying occasionally, with most of them saying they sobbed.

“The general perception is that if a man cries, it is a sign of weakness, and that he should be able to control his emotions better,” says Prof Ray Wilks, head of the psychology programme at the International Medical University in Kuala Lumpur.

“My view is that most of it is learnt behaviour from a very young age, where parents teach their sons to ‘be a man’ and to quickly stop crying. The idea that it is unmanly to cry is also reinforced by society,” he adds.

A columnist on AskMen.com , for example, expresses this common sentiment: “Men don’t need to cry. Save the crying for (the women). ... Men can get physical. Men can break things. Sure, it’s Neanderthal and barbaric, but it’s the way men do business. Do you think a woman wants a man that might weep as hard as she does in a bad situation?

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